Grief Goes Beyond the Death of a Loved One
This month we're doing a deep dive into the concept of grief, including what we grieve, what that looks like, the many kinds of grief, and what we can do for ourselves and for others.
Grief, in short, is the experience of coping with some kind of loss. We can identify this easily when a loved one dies, but people grieve for all kinds of reasons. After looking through all of the submissions to our Embracing Mental Health as a Fandom book I know I am not alone in having grieved many things in my life.
I have grieved death, the loss of a relationship (and even a relationship I knew could never be), an estranged best friend, and my weight as I gained back what I fought to lose. I have grieved countless times when a dream of mine just didn't work out. I even felt grief after coming out as non-binary and queer, not because I wasn't sure in my self. I grieved the fact that I knew all of my relationships were going to change. How people saw me was going to change. I grieved the easier identity, even though it never truly was mine.
The heroes of our favorite sci-fi media have also given us countless examples of grief. Captain Picard had to grieve an entire life that wasn't real (Star Trek: TNG, "The Inner Light"). Queen of our hearts Samantha Carter grieved Janet's death so strongly she was at a loss for words, and at the same time, she grieved the idea of the loss of Jack O'Neill (Stargate SG-1, "Heroes Part 2"). Seven of Nine, similarly to my coming out grief, battled the loss of an identity as well as she had to navigate regaining her humanity from her Borg existence (Star Trek: Voyager). The Doctor and Rose Tyler grieved when they were split apart into alternate universes, never able to see each other again (Doctor Who, "Doomsday"). To know each other is alive and well but to never be able to be together again could arguably be much harder than the grief around someone who has died.
DOCTOR: You're on a list of the dead. Here you are, living a life day after day. The one adventure I can never have.
ROSE: Am I ever going to see you again?
DOCTOR: You can't.
ROSE: What're you going to do?
DOCTOR: Oh, I've got the Tardis. Same old life, last of the Time Lords.
ROSE: On your own. I, I love you.
DOCTOR: Quite right, too.
from Doctor Who, "Doomsday"
Familiar Voices on Grief
Amanda Tapping Grieves a Career and an Identity
“I finished Sanctuary, and I thought to myself...I've been on TV for 15 years. Who am I if I'm not that girl that was on that TV show, right? So I was like, I need to really pursue directing...I was really scared."
Watch the clip here, and wind it back for the whole interview.
Welles Talks to Teryl Rothery About Grieving Safety
"Am I going to have to slink away? And then I decided, I'm not doing that. So my other goal is to live fiercely and openly and as myself through no matter what, what's about to happen."
Watch the clip here, and wind it back for the whole interview.
Journal Reflection
Get the most out of your journal reflection with these steps:
1. Read the question(s) completely and allow yourself to think about them for 1-2 minutes.
2. Take 10 minutes to write your response down in a journal. I'm a big fan of Field Notes, but any paper or even notes app will do!
3. If you're comfortable, share your response, in part or in full, on Bluesky (you can find us here, so make sure to tag us) or in our Discord. It's totally ok if you want to keep your thoughts to yourself, and some weeks that may be more true than others. Do what you're comfortable doing.
This Week's Prompt
Think of a time when you experienced grief that wasn’t tied to death. What were you grieving? How did it feel in your body and mind? How did it change you?
- Was there something or someone that helped you through it?
- Did you find anything after the loss—strength, wisdom, clarity, or even a new beginning?
If you're comfortable, write a letter to that past version of yourself, acknowledging their grief. What would you tell them now?
Book Submission Excerpt of the Week
"In 2021 I sustained head trauma that caused significant enough long term damage to my brain, that I now live with life altering symptoms. In an instant I went from "I've got this" to, "Why can't I do this?".... I'm actually tearing up as I wright this, but no longer because of my grief and sadness for a life lost. For I am extremely happy to say I have made such progress with my speach, mobility and cognitive ability, that next summer I'm booked to attend a week long flying course that will be the first step in my retraining as a glider pilot."
-Sera
Note: Inclusion of submission in the Content Newsletter is no indication of book submission status. The editing and selection process is ongoing.
Companion Tool of the Week
During a period of grief, sometimes the biggest thing you can do for yourself is actually quite small. We created these medals so that you can remind yourself of that. Sometimes you just need some fresh air, a chat with a friend, to give yourself grace, and, even, just to drink some water.
I hope you have a wonderful week, Companions! Next week we'll continue the conversation around grief with the stages we all go through.
Best,
Welles
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